Bitter, Party of One?

If there is one word I have been called over any other, it would be "bitter".

Everyone I've grown close to. Everyone I've loved.

I'm always "bitter".

This description of me always ignites anger. Denial. An intensified need to dispute.

Noone likes to be called bitter. Noone wants to feel like that's what other people think of me.

I look back on these people. And, the times that fell upon them and myself during most of these accusations, and I wonder if I was truly the bitter one, or were they?

Now, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not difficult, and stubborn. Agitating and nerve-racking.

I also won't pretend that I don't hold grudges, or get angry and say the first thing that comes to my mind. And more often than not, I don't stop at the first thing that comes to mind. I say eeeevery single possible thing that comes to mind.

I've never understood what it is about my persona, my demeanor, my actions and my words ultimately lead people to the word "bitter".

When I hear it, it reminds me of ..some old lady who used to be this really happy person. Then one day the love of her life died in some freak accident involving a frisbee, a doberman, and a firetruck. She got depressed, moved into some little shack by a graveyard where she doesn't take care of her yard, and when children near her property she screams out to leave her alone or they'll be the ham-hock in her next stew.

Someone that, has no joy. Sparks no smile. Stirs no emotions but negativity.

Maybe I'm a little biased because, it's me they're talking about...But, I just don't think bitter is the right word.

The more think about it, the more it bothers me. And, the more it bothers me, the more I think about it.
Just because I don't take shit off people, can be ruthless and don't walk around spitting rainbows from my asshole all day, doesn't mean I have to be labeled as a bitter person.

Truth be told, I think im quite far from bitter.
I've led a life most people prolly wouldn't choose. I've been through alot, and lord knows I have some issues because of it. However, I think given all of that, I'm in at least a halfway decent state of mind.
Lord knows I could walk around blaming everyone else for my mistakes. But, I'm one of the few people I know that is ALWAYS pointing out what I do wrong, or what I could've done better.

I'm not so sure A "bitter" person would do that.

I've tried to shed this label for years. And, it's something that always lingers.
I'm right handed. Bald. Gay. ...and bitter. (allegedly)

Other than the guy that spit in my face at work, and Craig (the guy who is so tired of reading my blog and hearing me complain that he wants to hand me a knife so I just get it over with) ..I don't hold a grudge against anyone. And, being that.both of those things occured within the last year....
I'm totally not seeing it.

It's making me bitter, trying to figure out why I'm always called bitter. (lol)
Even if I am bitter (which i dispute) who the fuck is anyone else to point it out. If you gotta say "god..yer sucha bitter person". You must be a real asshole. lol.

Anyway, I guess the point is this.

Often times, people are gonna call you something. Maybe they'll be right. Maybe they'll be wrong.
Maybe everyone agrees. Maybe noone agrees.

The only thing that really matters is that you're able to continue your life, unphased by what anyone else thinks of you.
Because you are the only one you need to answer for at the end of the day.

If you don't like me, you can suck on my left nut.
I'm sure the taste is prolly just as bitter as I am.