A Piece of Me.

I'm gonna start by saying that I have had a whirlwind of a week.
Relationship woes. Family emergency situations that left me on the outside staring in, fearful of what the final outcome would be. And, craziness at the work place.

As many of you have prolly read, a guy got hit by a car outside of where I work, while I was working. I seen it and there's craziness involved. I won't get into details, but it was fucked up. It has convinced me that I am some sort of horrible, gay bar omen.
Since I've worked in the bars...I have been working when all of these events have occurred:

This crazy guy ripped up the bar at Hooterville, breaking it into two pieces. A customers' hand happened to be lying right where it snapped in two....and got stuck in it, breaking his hand, and making it swell up to at least four times the normal size.

The day the building on the corner of Ontario and Monroe street fell down.
The day of the infamous bus crash into the front of Caesars.
The day the dead guy was found right around the corner from Caesars. He had been inside at Ripcord, and I served him his first drink on his last day of drinking.
And, now crazy "im gonna run you over" guy. I was one of the only witnesses.

I've stated..all I need now is a stabbing and a shooting.

Anyway...back to my melodramatics.

I was watching All My Children a little while ago, and this guy that has just came back to the show after being gone for the majority of my life...was telling a story of some girl named Jenny to a baby, through flashbacks.
Apparently the bitch died, cause there was an emotional funeral scene flashback.
This meant very little to me, until I heard him say
"Jenny told me the three things a person needs to be happy in life".

The three things were: Something to do. Someone to love. And Something to believe in.
I actually initially only caught the end, so I hit rewind, and listened to the whole shpil (thats the offcial yiddish spelling of the word...even though i think it should be "schpeel") and decided that...maybe this is why I feel so unhappy.
I do not think, that ever...in my life have I had those three things all at once. I don't know if I've ever had all three of those things seperately..let alone combined.
I know for me personally, I've always spent my greatest efforts focusing on the "love" portion.

At this time, I'm not happy. Not with much of anything. I don't have anything to do. Theres constant chaos with the person that I love, and I don't believe in much of anything. Except that, things that I believe in, often turn out to be the wrong things to believe in.
(lol)

I just need some sort of ....something. I can't put my finger on it.

So, in order to save myself, and the people I love.. I've got to make a change within myself.
You shall see these changes in the coming weeks.
One change that I must make, is to make time for friendships. I've neglected that. And, during this last week I've realized that if I neglect them.....when I need them...they won't be there.
I'm starting to take better care of myself medically...I discovered I have high blood pressure.
I'm exercising alot. Trying to get pretty.

And I'm trying my best to let go of things that are not in my control. And, that includes giving up on the whole ...trying to control things I can't.

Bueno!