*shrug*

I just spent over an hour writing a blog that I've deleted.
It was coming across very depressing (even for me) so I've decided against it.

I acted foolishly today. Selfishly. And I wish I hadn't.

The problem with it all, is that I struggle with feeling good enough for things.

I'm a really difficult person to be around, and I drive people crazy.

I've got so many hangups and issues, that I can't even comprehend them myself, let alone try to explain them.

I take the weirdest things personal. And 95% of the time that I'm sad or mad, its because I am so upset at myself.
I take things out on myself sooo badly that I find myself just needing to know that theres something good about me.
I've lost sight of whatever that thing is.

And its very hurtful to be so down on yourself.
It's incredibly painful.

I need so much from people.
I just feel stupid. All the time.
It makes me want to disappear sometimes. Because I'm ashamed, or whatever else.

I just wish I knew how to remind myself that I'm not a complete failure.
It's how I spend most of my time.....Degrading myself.

I just wish I had a day when I wasnt feeling negatively towards myself.

Thats all.